Part 1 of 5: In Search of the Right Man
Although Bill O’Brien is the focal point of this blog, he is one of the few individuals—one of three in fact—who is implicated in the forever-widening Pedophilia Scandal but is not guilty of any crime, as an accessory to the fact or an accessory after the fact or worse. Moreover, he is the one and only person beyond suspicion of any untoward behavior whatsoever.
In Search of Bill O’Brien
The otherwise liberal Board of Trustees precluded many people from consideration in their search for the next head football coach, to wit—Lesbians, Gays, Bi-Sexuals, Transgenders, and Queers.
The Board insisted that the successful candidate have the following requisites—
- One, although he had to be “straight” he must appreciate alternate life styles and support LSBTQ initiatives.
- Two, he had to be far removed from the Jerry Sandusky/Penn State/Second Mile Charity Pedophilia scandal.
- Three, he had to have at least a year’s experience as a head football coach of a junior high school football team or above.
- Four, he had to be a man’s man.
- Five, most important, he had to understand who’s who in Happy Valley politics and be willing to shine Board members’ shoes on occasion.
O’Brien had all the requisites to be the successful candidate except one: he had zip, zero, zilch head football coaching experience.
That stumbling block was promptly removed after he promised never to say a disparaging word about the Board nor a gruff word about their crony Mark Enema, the NCAA prez.
There was one other stumbling block—O’Brien wanted to hire a butch as one of his assistant coaches. The Board thought the intent was noble but objected. But Bill persisted. The Board relented a little, “Maybe in a few years!” they told him. Bill consented. And then he shook hands with each male member of the Board and gave a peck on the cheek to Chairwoman Karen Peetz and told her she was beautiful!
Hence, Bill became the schools’ next head football coach!
Some Victories, Some Cheers, but—
In light of this past Saturday’s impressive win against the Illini, Coach O’Brien has shown he is quite capable as a head coach. Apparently, he has gotten the Nittany Lions back on track to glory.
Hail to the Coach!
Hail to the team!
Hail to the Board of Trustees!
Rodney for president, Rah!
Rodney for vice president, Rah!
Rodney eats it, Rah!!!
As autumn turns to winter and football season winds down and there are no bowl games and nothing more to cheer about, sure as shooting—signs, placards, and banners with snide remarks as such as these below will sprout up here and there about campus:
“We are— Mediocrity!” “We Are—F’kd!”
“We Are—F’kd and Pissed!
“We Are—for five years . . . F’kd!” “More Blue Ribbons on Players Helmets!”
“Bigger Letters on Players Jerseys!”
“Anything but the Death Penalty . . . for the Attorney General!”
“Anything but the Death Penalty . . . for the Governor!”
“Guv Ed Rendell sucks cucumbers with Jerry!”
“Give Us the Death Penalty, Just Don’t Shoot Us in the Ass!”
“Board of Trustees Buggers Fans!”
“Anything but the Death Penalty Brer Rabbit!”
“Spanier Never Met a Boy He Didn’t Like!”
“Erickson eats Warm Bananas Raw!”
“Guv Corbett for Campus Pedophilia Czar!”
“Bill O’Brien is not a Eunuch!”
“Coach O’Brien is a Bullying Victim!”
“Sandusky for Honorary Lifetime BOT Prez”
O’Brien only mistake was his lack of judgment. He failed to realize the folly of making a pact with Lucifer and his colony of rats on the Board of Trustees. His first step was a huge misstep—it’s as though he stepped into a bucket of cow dung and can’t kick the bucket lose, try and try as he will.
With his foot stuck fast in the bucket, his chances of returning the Nittany Lions to their glory days is rock bottom leagues below sea level in the Mariana Trench. Unless . . . unless, that is, he proves he still has two cajones and will stand up for his players, the fans, the alumni and tell the Board where to go. Then it will be up to the good people of Pennsylvania to provide the criminals with the ways and the means to get there in the shortest fashion.
Guiltless Pennsylvanians are being punished and will continue to be punished forever and a day unless . . . unless . . . unless, of course, Coach gets a booster shot of testosterone and rises to the occasion.
The players have done nothing wrong; none of them was even born when Jerry founded his Second Mile Charity (SMC) and began doing his thing to prepubescent boys. The oldest players had just gotten out of diapers and started kindergarten in 1998 when it became common knowledge to the Administration that Jerry was preying on aspiring football stars; they were just ten or eleven in 2002 when coaching assistant Mike McQueary caught Jerry in his monstrous acts.
Perhaps it was Jerry’s 500th or 10,000th such act! Whatever, Jerry had started to do his thing long before 1998—no doubt, actually in the late ‘60s—when the pedophile was granted a key to the shower rooms in the Lasch Football Building.
As for the fans—not counting those at SMC or on the Board, of course—they are not guilty of anything; they are not even guilty of a thought crime, such as enjoying the perversion vicariously. They aren’t into pornography, pedophilia, pimping children, child sacrifice, snuff films or anything of the sort.
Pennsylvania taxpayers are guilty of nothing either; most of them never stepped foot onto Penn State campus, let alone showered in the Lasch Football Building or cavorted with Jerry or any of his friends on the Board or at Second Mile or any known or suspected pedophiles or any accessories to or after the fact.
Sixty Million dollars is a bit outrageous!